A Look at the Spectrum of Introversion and Extroversion

Today, I consider myself to be an ambivert (someone with the aspects of both extroversion and introversion) who can easily behave like an extrovert whenever required but in my younger days I believe I tended to be more inclined towards introversion. The life of an extrovert or an ambivert who tends to be more inclined to extroversion is a very convenient one, you are comfortable talking to people, and you appear as a friendly sociable person to most people around you. More importantly, nobody questions your existence, nobody thinks low about you or thinks that your need to be fixed.

However, my life as someone more inclined towards introversion was a tough one. It was not tough because there was something inherently wrong with being an introvert; It was tough because people around me used to constantly point out that something was wrong with me. Many extroverts will insensitively remind you how flawed, boring and unlovable you are (And some of them genuinely mean well). You get to hear questions like

“Why are you so quiet?”

“Do you dislike people?”

“You can’t love anyone, can you?”

“Why are you antisocial?”

Under the weight of these heavily loaded questions, I have felt sorry for my existence several times. In my younger days, I have spent hours brooding on this. If I had known better, I would not have wasted so much of my time nursing the scars left by other people’s comments.

I have come to realize how little introverts and extroverts know about each other and about how much confusion and pain it can create. Considering that introverts and extroverts coexist on this planet, it is necessary for people in both these spectrums to have a better understanding of their unique characteristics and needs. This kind of understanding is necessary to let individuals create a harmonious relationship with themselves and with others.

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Understanding introversion and extroversion

Thibaut Meurisse in his book The Thriving Introvert explains what distinguishes introverts from extroverts. The difference between the two is in how they create and consume emotional energy. “Extroverts need a lot of stimulation from the outside world. Without it, they start losing energy and begin to feel bored, lonely, or tired. Introverts need less external stimulation and time spent in social situations will tend to deplete their energy. This, in turn, forces them to withdraw and spend time alone to rejuvenate themselves.”

Thibaut Meurisse explains that whether we’re introverted or extroverted seems to be largely determined by our biology, which means that we can’t change it – it’s part of who we are. Yes, sometimes introverts can stretch themselves and act like extroverts and vice versa but the person will sooner or later need to return to their natural state to recharge their batteries.

Now the question is why do extroverts need more stimulation compared to introverts?

Thibaut Meurisse further explains that the dominant neurotransmitters (the chemical messengers of our body) of both groups are different: introverts use acetylcholine as their primary neurotransmitter while extroverts rely on dopamine. Acetylcholine is created through feeling and thinking.” Thus, introverts can auto-stimulate by spending time thinking, observing, or contemplating. However, the extroverts require activities that create the adrenaline rush to create more dopamine, that’s why they want to hang out in groups and noisy places.

The dynamics of introvert-extrovert relationships

Introverts in general may prefer to have a deep conversation with someone instead of having a small talk. They may like to know a few people well than to know several people casually. The introverts may only speak in a group only if they feel that they have something meaningful to contribute. They may also need to have some alone time/quiet time to relax and recharge their batteries. These kinds of behaviors understandably leave an extrovert in an uneasy state.

When extroverts and introverts come together as family members or friends, an understanding and respect for differences in needs of both parties become essential. Of course, you have your personal needs and preferences but being part of a circle entails the need to be considerate of others. For an introvert that might mean speaking up about your need for some alone time after a long day but at the same time stretching one's limit to try out new things with your extroverted friend. And for an extrovert, it might mean simply acknowledging the fact that introverts are just people with different a temperament and not some flawed human species who need to be fixed.

Conclusion

Everyone can be their best selves, only when they true to their temperament. It’s time we stop glorifying one personality type and demean its opposite. With a little effort, we will be able to accept the existence of both personality types without questioning the value of the other.

Reference

Quiet Power: Growing Up as an Introvert in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain

The Thriving Introvert, Thibaut Meurisse